Want To Smoke Like an Astronaut?

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 Want To Smoke Like an Astronaut?

I don’t mean like in a space shuttle with Tang and clever references to old Bowie songs. I mean with anti-gravity. Some of you may be having ‘Nam style flashbacks to five-gallon buckets filled to the brim with water while someone clumsily volcanoes a whole bowl of flowers hastily jammed into the top of a crudely cut milk jug. Fear not my friends; I speak of improved technology.

The anti-gravity uses the same principles of fluid dynamics that the gravity set-up does, only in reverse. That is to say, the water pulls the smoke into the bottle as opposed to the motion of you lifting the bottle out of water. Way less fuss and MUCH less room for error, which are important bullet points if you ever find yourself relegated to the small amount needed to make the anti-grav a shotgun blast of fun for all.

Start with a plastic bottle. It can be any size, from a baby water bottle to a milk jug (if you’re bold. That’s a lot of volume.) Put a hole in it on any side of the container about a ½ inch to an inch from the bottom. I’d recommend doing it on the side that would have you using the thumb of your non-dominant hand to cover the hole, as your dominant hand will undoubtedly have the lighter if this is a solo party. As far as size goes, make sure your thumb will cover the entire thing. I find it’s easiest to make the hole with a lighter.

Once you’ve gotten that taken care of, Focus your attention on the cap. You’re going to want to put a hole in this as well, as it will be your bowl. Typically I’ll flip it over and grip it with scissors or pliers, get it hot, then flip it over and use said gripping instrument to puncture a hole and widen it. From here you have a couple choices. When I’ve been fancy and had the means I’ve filled the hole with a socket and shoved a screen inside it to make my bowl. This is especially nice if you have a lid that will fit multiple size bottles. Your alternative is to has one hammer and one drill. I rent.

Now that you’ve got this all taken care of all you have left to do is pack it up and enjoy. However, if you’re flying solo it is very important that you load the bowl before you fill the bottle with water. It’s probably easier to do this in your kitchen over the sink as opposed the bathroom, depending on the size of your bottle. Someone once asked me if you could fill it with something besides water if you wanted to. I mean, I guess you could but I have no idea why you’d want to. It was a dumb question. Once the bottle is filled with your thumb over the exhaust and the lid screwed on you’re ready for blastoff. Hold the flame on you flower for a second or two and then let your thumb off. As the water expels smoke will fill the bottle. Once your bowl is clear, at you can put your thumb back over the hole, unscrew the lid, and inhale, letting your thumb off as you do.

This is one of my favorite ways to indulge. It’s quick, easy, and potent. Best of all, it uses a very small amount to its maximum potential. You may not be hanging with cosmonauts afterwards but you’ll definitely be in outer space.

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  • Seymour Glass
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